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Welcome to another of my guide Melinda’s Friday messages about how to live life. If you’d like to know more about her and what she has to say you can find more in the first post in this series.
If you want to keep your love you will have to work on it – Melinda’s Friday Message
When you have found love you may be tempted to hold on to it at all costs. Do not give in to that temptation. Love only flourishes when it it is fed and grows. Love only endures when it can accommodate the organic and natural growth that people follow as they age. Love can be a narrow road or a wide one, but it is never ever a straight line through the years.
There are a few things that are important to keeping love alive. First, I cannot stress enough how much allowing for and challenging your partner’s humanity is the key to enduring love. Second, you must make time for each other. Third, you must make time for yourself. Finally, be willing to sit in the hard spots in kindness until a way forward is found. These words are so simple and are at the same time the profound and unshakeable truth of love.
The card for sustaining love is the 10 of wands. Place yourself within the bonds that you chose. Honour and respect them and most of all do not fear them. The door is always open to leave, but the longer you live within the boundaries you create the deeper and more profound your love will become.
You are not perfect. Men are not perfect. Women are not perfect. No one ever born was perfect. Even those revered as enlightened are imperfect – it is the nature of being incarnated. How can your love and your life together be perfect then? The secret in this is to limit or direct the imperfection. Compromise is what many people think they must do in order to keep love, but I think of it as pruning the bush so that it may be sturdy and flower abundantly. Where are the limits for each partner? Line them up, speak of them and agree to not exceed them. As the years go on, revisit these limits and you will see that the clear road they once set out has changed – this is not a betrayal, but a proof that you are both alive. Re-navigate the boundaries and continue on.
If one person refuses this – walk away.
If you do not want to spend time with the person you love then you do not love them anymore.
If this is the case – walk away.
Stability and love come from peace and openness within. You will need time to yourself. Your love will not want to do everything that you do, nor will you enjoy all of their tastes. Take and give space so that your time together can be richer and fuller. If you fear being alone, correct that before it poisons your relationship.
If either person refuses to give space – walk away.
There will be times when love is hard. When the gap between what one person wants and the other desires will seem too large. Sit in that space. There will be times when one person is happy and the other not. Sit in that space. There will be time when one partner will feel the other has done wrong. Sit in that space. It is only by being willing to stay in the hard spot until it is resolved that you will be able to keep your love alive.
If one person refuses this – walk away.
The truth is that in the over 50 years with my husband there were many times that seemed like the end. Where the love seemed gone for a day or week. It was only by continuing to talk that love was rekindled. Many were the times we could have walked away, but by honouring our love with the gifts of time, kindness, and honesty, it endured.
Thank you for listening.
Melinda
PS If you would like to receive my guidance and advice on your life please schedule a reading with Andrew. I am always speaking with him when the cards are on the table.
If you enjoyed this post Melinda suggests that you go back to the first post in this series and read them all from the beginning. You can start here and work back.
The Hermit’s Lamp is the blog of Andrew McGregor – Toronto Tarot reader, artist and teacher. The Hermit’s Lamp is also a storefront in Toronto selling metaphysical and spiritual supplies. Please visit The Hermit’s Lamp website for more information on readings and classes both online and in Toronto. You can also listen to the Hermit’s Lamp podcast here.
Hands image by Quinn Dombrowski